"It is not enough to conquer; one must also know how to seduce." – Voltaire

Kate L. Stewart is a Seattle psychotherapist, dating coach, and Flirting 101 professor who believes that flirting is an underrated skill that every woman can master with desire and a little encouragement. She gives Reign readers an enlightening mini-lesson on the language of flirtation.

Reign: Why is flirting on the wane?

Kate: There are a few reasons. Fifty years ago, the world was smaller, communities were closer knit and it was simply easier to find people to fall in love with. Another more recent reason is that, because of the advent of cell phones, there is less eye contact with others in public, therefore less opportunity to flirt.

Reign: If I were willing to turn off my cell phone, how would I flirt with a stranger that I come across on the street or in a café?

Kate: Eye contact is one of our most powerful flirting tools. Catch the other person’s eye, hold their gaze for a nano-second longer than the cultural standard, then glance away with the tiniest of smiles. Complimenting someone is always a great way to flirt, too. But make sure your compliment is authentic—comment on something about the person that you honestly like or admire.

Reign: What about careerists, moms, and the eternally exhausted who have a hard time even getting in the mood to flirt?

Kate: If you are not feeling sexy or confident enough to flirt, the easiest thing you can do is put on the sexiest lingerie you own. Do this even if you’re going to work. Nobody may see it under your work clothes, but you will know it is there and it will translate into making you feel confident and sexy.

Reign: How do you flirt once the butterflies are gone?

Kate: Flirtatious behavior does not have to disappear in a long-term relationship. In fact, it can keep a relationship loving and fresh. Texting your partner a spontaneous note of affection rather than a grocery list item would be a start. Or, simply indulge in casual or coquettish physical contact with your partner, e.g., gently touching his arm or knee during a conversation or dinner, to increase intimacy and express yourself flirtatiously.

If you have questions about flirting that you would like to ask Kate, please submit them below in our comments section and we will get them answered for you.

You can learn more about Kate and her flirting classes at: http://katelstewart.com
 

READ MORE: art of seduction, art & culture, love & lust, kate l. stewart